7 Unwise Stupid Things People Do When Relationships Get Hard (and What to Do Instead)
Navigating relationships can be tough, especially when things get rocky. Sometimes, we react in ways that make the situation worse instead of better. 40 years old successful romantic couple who have been together since they both were 17 years old described 7 common mistakes that people make when relationships get hard, and then they suggested what people should do instead to keep things on track.
1. Ghosting Each Other
Why It's Unwise: Ghosting—disappearing without explanation—might seem like the easiest way to avoid a difficult conversation, but it leaves the other person confused and hurt. It also shuts the door on potential growth and understanding and becoming more mature as individuals as well as a couple.
What to Do Instead: Communicate openly. If you need space, express that calmly. Being honest about your feelings can lead to mutual understanding and respect, even if the relationship needs to end.
2. Venting on Social Media
Why It's Unwise: Blasting your relationship issues on social media might feel relief in the moment, but it can create unnecessary drama and embarrassment for both persons. It also invites unsolicited opinions from people who might not fully understand the situation that is going on between you two.
What to Do Instead: Talk to a trusted friend or therapist. Private conversations can provide the support you need without airing your dirty laundry in public.
3. Playing the Blame Game
Why It's Unwise: Pointing fingers can quickly escalate into a toxic cycle of blame and defensiveness. It focuses on who’s at fault rather than resolving the issues at hand.
What to Do Instead: Take responsibility for your actions and encourage your partner to do the same. Approach conflicts as a team to work together to solve a problem, rather than adversaries in a battle.
4. Ignoring the Problems
Why It's Unwise: Sweeping issues under the rug doesn’t make them go away. They usually fester and resurface later, often in a more damaging way.
What to Do Instead: Address problems head-on. Schedule a calm and distraction-free time to discuss what’s bothering you. Tackling issues early can prevent them from becoming bigger than they need to be.
5. Comparing to Other Relationships
Why It's Unwise: Every relationship is unique, and comparisons can lead to unrealistic expectations and unnecessary dissatisfaction. Social media often presents a highlight reel, not the full picture about others.
What to Do Instead: Focus on your relationship’s strengths and areas for improvement. Celebrate what makes your bond special and work together on what needs attention, without holding yourselves to someone else’s standard.
6. Holding Grudges
Why It's Unwise: Holding onto past grievances can create resentment and prevent the relationship from moving forward. It makes it difficult to trust and feel secure.
What to Do Instead: Practice forgiveness. This doesn’t mean ignoring or excusing hurtful behavior, but rather letting go of the resentment for your own peace of mind and the health of the relationship. Discuss the issue, resolve it, and then let it go.
7. Using Ultimatums
Why It's Unwise: Issuing ultimatums can feel like a power move, but it often backfires. It creates pressure and fear rather than fostering genuine change and understanding. Remember relationship is to feel cared and loved in a secured place, not just meeting some deadlines and performing some responsibilities.
What to Do Instead: Set boundaries instead of ultimatums. Clearly communicate your needs and what you're willing to accept and allowing for a constructive dialogue rather than a standoff.
Disclaimer: This article is written by a successful couple based on their ups and down in their life and relationship who have been together since they both were teenagers. The advice provided in this article is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional counseling or therapy. Every relationship is unique, and it's important to seek personalized advice from a qualified professional if you are experiencing serious relationship issues. The authors and publisher disclaim any liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of this information.